I'm Fighting Fat is about my journey weight loss! Come join me!

I'm fat. And I've been fat for far too long. It's time to start making changes, and this blog is to document those changes, along with a few tears, and even some laughs along the way.

This blog isn't about is going on a fad diet - in fact no 'diet' foods or pills are going to be used during this entire process! Any use of the word 'diet' in this blog will simply refer to foods being eaten, not any special plan or 'can or can't have' food lists.

I'll be eating a variety of foods, as unprocessed as possible. The plan is not to cut out or severely cut down, but to help my body (and mind) realize when I truly am hungry, and not depend on the clock to tell me when mealtimes are. Moderation will be the rule in both eating and exercising.

Join me on my journey, my trials, my failures and successes to discover a thinner me and possibly inspire you to lose weight too, without all the diet hype!

Tuesday, April 26, 2022

Year One, Week Thirty-One: Self-Sabotage; The Enemy Within

This week was a tough one. And the weekend was a hot mess. I overate, ate beyond my two-hour window, and sat too much.

And it showed on the scale.

Why, oh why do I do this to myself, right after a breakthrough? Self-sabotage is one of my more sinister traits and one I honestly thought I'd beaten.

But nooooo, it had to rear its ugly head and bop me right between my eyes- or more accurately, my lips.

Photo by Anastasia Shuraeva from Pexels

Hindsight is always 20/20, and when I look back on the week, it was loaded with stressors I should have recognized before I opened my eating windows. Plans were thwarted all over the place, and I sometimes have a hard time readjusting. If it's one or two things going awry, I do well enough, but this week was a hot mess of changing plans, projects, and minds.

And then, this weekend, I fell pretty hard while outside. The grass isn't as soft as you think. I haven't fallen in decades, and I was reminded that it's not as easy to shake off as kids make it look! I'm fine, by the way, just a bit dented and sore.

On two occasions this week, I stuffed myself stupid. Well, not as stupid as I used to, but I ate until I was uncomfortable, just because we were doing something special with the kids. 

I also rushed my eating because we were in a hurry, so some meals weren't even savored as I ate, and I wound up overeating because I wasn't sure if I could eat within the window while we were out, and wound up eating with them when they ate anyway. 

Hunger was also a big problem this week, and I tamed it with food.

Dumb, dumb, dumb. And I knew it, even as I chewed each bite.

I'm not mad at my family or the scale- I'm mad at myself for getting out of control. 

So what am I going to do about it? You might ask. Well, I'm certainly not going to do what I used to: eat and sulk and find something distracting to watch, so I can mindlessly fill the void with food.

Nopety, nope, nope! 

I made meals this weekend that would last for most of this week, and two of them are soups. I do well with soup, but I'm cutting way down on the bread and cheeses this week. I had a lot of cheese, and though that's not bad for me, it clogs the pipes, and I'm tired of finding new foods that act like Draino. 

I started using bigger bowls again, and I'm also nipping that in the bud. The hungries aren't going to rule over me if I can help it!

And definitely have a few salads this week. My salads tend to be protein-rich (chicken cobb or chef's salad usually, with baked meats instead of cold cuts), and if I decide to have a sandwich, I'll be adding some veggies to give it a nice crunch.

Unfortunately, the fall banged up my bad knee, and though I can walk okay on it, it's still giving me a little grief if I walk or stand too much. However, I still plan to walk a little outside in the fresh air. My arms are another matter; I have no idea what the heck I did to them when I fell, but there's a lot of muscle soreness going on that will cause problems with the moving and lifting of boxes I'd planned to do in the store this week.

The good news is I finished two writing projects, and I have plenty to do to keep me busy this week, even if I can't do all I wanted in the store. I'm making these beautifully fluffy hair bows to help raise funds for the bakery. I found several ways to speed up my hair bow production and even create tiny hair bows for barrettes and kiddie bowties with the leftover fabrics. 

If my mind and hands are busy, I don't eat!

I refuse to feel guilty for stumbling. Yes, I'm mad at myself, but I'm also looking at the problems and solving them as I move forward. I also realize part of this is psychosomatic because of my significant breakthrough and my tendencies to self-sabotage. 

This week I plan to readjust and observe my habits. Next week is weigh-in week, and I want to stay in the two hundreds!

Know thy enemy, know thyself. Sometimes they're the same person!

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