Year One, Week Forty-Six: Working Through the Maze

This was a bad week.

I used to be a negative person, but after a lot of work, mentally and physically, my mindset for the past few years has changed to a more positive one.

This week didn't break me, but I'm starting to feel more than a bit cracked.

And, of course, this affected my IF because I'm an emotional eater.

We had hoped that the bakery would be up and running by now. However, the rules keep changing, and we discover new regulations that we have yet to meet. When we think we're ready to apply for financing, there's another hurdle to jump. 

Since the new year, we've been looking for jobs to tide us over, hoping to save enough to get all the certifications, licensing, and equipment to start a cottage-industry bakery.

Looking for work has been a mixed bag of disappointment. 

My husband was diagnosed with brain stress disorder right before we moved here in October 2021. However, after several health issues working in manufacturing jobs up here, the docs have banned him from doing any manufacturing or warehouse work. Covid, walking pneumonia, and vertigo have plagued him at three different jobs so far, and most jobs up here are warehouse or manufacturer oriented.

I never realized I was 'old' until I started applying for work. I've done many odd jobs through the years, but being an at-home mom doesn't count much in the business world. Most jobs up here are for a younger and more fit body than mine, so there aren't a lot of opportunities. I've tried selling handcrafted items online, but people aren't buying in this economy, and I don't have the money or skills to market things online well enough to get noticed.

Then my daughter got the bad news that she won't get into the college she wanted and had to raise her GPA at a community college before reapplying. She was transferring from a college that treated her like crap because she didn't own a horse and wasn't prestigious enough to 'earn' therapeutic horse-training classes, despite working at an actual horse therapy ranch for almost six years. 

I hope now you understand why I ate like a pig this week.

No, I shouldn't have. It was hot and miserable, so walking was out of the question. I was frustrated, bored, felt trapped in the house, and ready to break down into tears at random moments. So I ate.

I know God is with me, and He loves me. I know some of you are sympathetic, but I also know some are looking down your noses at me for being so weak.

That's fine, but please keep your harsh words to yourself. 

I'm not interested in hearing how to fix it, how to get over it, or how I need to pray more. You don't need to judge me because I'm doing enough of that on my own.

However, I absolutely accept all hugs with open arms.

Two steps forward, five steps back. I'm just working my way through the maze.

Image by Arek Socha from Pixabay 

From the beginning, I promised to be honest with you, and lately, I've avoided telling you everything because it's been negative, and I want to encourage people, not deter them from getting healthy. But sometimes, the circumstances merit a little misery, so others stop thinking it's all rainbows and unicorn poop.

Sometimes life sucks.

I know I'll get through this eventually, and I've already made eating adjustments, so I don't blow my IFing out of the water like I did last week. It won't be easy, but who said it ever would be?

Starting a business is hard enough. Unfortunately, starting a food business is even more challenging. Throw in the economy, financial hardship, and red tape with a sprinkle of college disappointments, and it makes for a bitter-tasting stew.

I know we must be doing something right if the devil is putting on cleats before trying to stomp us in the dirt. We just have to find the right way, which takes more time and patience than I possess.

Please send hugs and prayers. That's all I need. Thank you for listening- I love you all so much!