Week Thirty-Four- The Slippery Slope

 Have you ever found yourself wondering if you ever beat your old habits, then opportunity gives you a chance to test your fears?

That's exactly what happened this week.

I've been home for a week since I stopped working. 

I twisted my knee, then popped or tore a tendon in the back of my knee, so it was difficult to walk.

When resting it, I had to stay on the couch with it elevated and stay in bed longer than I wanted.

And then the weekend happened. But let me go back a bit here.

I used to spend my days staying at home, not getting much done and parking my carcass on the couch for much of the day, watching videos and eating. I didn't move much and didn't want to move much. And now, here I am, back on the couch, looking at the clock and wondering how long I will last before I break my fast, and if I stepped off the ledge and am now going down that slippery slope smack into all of my old bad habits.

Sound familiar?

Image by OpenIcons from Pixabay

There were two big exceptions. I wasn't eating until my window opened, and I actually wanted to get off the couch. Small but powerful changes. I felt that I could handle the changes as long as I wasn't stuck in a chair all day.

And then the weekend happened. My husband and I went on a trip to help his mens' group do some work on a farm where their mens' event would happen in a few weeks. It was all outside landscaping prep work, and for the first time ever, I'd volunteered to help. I almost didn't go, but the guys convinced me that there would be something for me to do once we got there.

There wasn't. I also had to open my eating window wide because their breakfast was early, and their dinner was late. I felt I could throw caution to the wind for one or two days because I thought I could do something active. But my leg hurt, and I couldn't walk much at all, so I had to stay in one spot and put my leg up-or at least not move it much.

Because I also have an analytical mind, I planned for this. I brought books (since there was no internet), and brought a really comfy camping chair and a water bottle, and sat out in the sunshine, gently flexing my leg as I read and chatted with passers-by. It was peaceful.

The only true slide happened at mealtimes. The food was excellent, and I had seconds on more than one occasion. I never ate until I was stuffed, but I did eat a lot more than I normally do. On the trip home, I wondered just how far of a slip I'd made and if I messed myself up for the month.

Three days of eating isn't going to destroy thirty-four weeks of work, I had to tell myself. I still need to rest my leg, but I'm more mobile than I was before, so as long as I don't go pole-vaulting anytime soon, I can work at a slow pace and rest when I need to. 

And I still want to do things. That's important too.

As for the eating, The first few days are going to be hard since my body really liked an open window and those yummy seconds, so I just had to make sure to stay upstairs until my husband came home and drink lots of water. Keeping busy won't be an issue since I have to unpack and still do my daily and extra decluttering chores, like unpacking boxes of books and putting them on my new bookshelves.

I'll never be bored.

No guilt. I enjoyed the food and the company. I even got some sun on my face. I haven't sat and read a book in so long, I forgot how much I missed it. All work and no play make Beth a not-so-happy camper.

Today is a good day because it's fresh and new, and I can get right back into my good habits without feeling angst about the weekend. Now that I'm home, I can also plan better menus for the week when I need to sit down. 

It's going to be an awesome week!

Week Thirty-Three: I've Had Enough!

Hier und jetzt endet leider meine Reise auf Pixabay aber from Pixabay 

Have you ever gotten so frustrated with something that you quit, knowing you'd never go back again?

Me too. 

I'd had enough with a few things this week, one of them being my job.

Wait- did you think I was quitting Intermittent Fasting? I'd had enough there too, but in IFing, that's a good thing. Actually, both were good things- just one was really frustrating. Let me explain.

My job got to the point that I not only wanted to quit, I needed to quit. My van is on its last legs...er...tires, and our mechanic said that the less driving we did, the better off we'd be. After crunching some numbers, we realized it was actually starting to cost us for me to do this job.

So I called my boss and gently gave notice. Not the typical two weeks, because I knew that would be tough for them, but enough time so that they could find another driver. I figured a month, maybe a little more. 

My boss didn't have the best bedside manner and let me know there would be no replacement driver. He was ready to let me go then and there. I was shocked and more than a bit hurt by his callous attitude but said I would finish out the week. I had to let my stores and customers know I'd no longer be there. I won't say what the company that hired us would do for deliveries, but I knew it would be chaos, and I wanted my stores to be prepared.

Even though I was prepared to quit, the abruptness of it had me reeling. When something like this happens, I get stressed, and my usual go-to behavior is eating. But I'd had enough there too.

I didn't want to eat. I wanted to plan. I wanted to make my home life, my IFing life, my professional life better. The more I settled into the idea I would finally be home full-time again, the more excited I became.

The hardest part would be the exercise. I needed to be more mobile, and even the job when I was walking wasn't going to be enough in a few weeks. But I don't walk just to walk either- I needed to figure out what to do to be on my feet and moving.

Have you seen my house? All I had to do was look around to see I had plenty of reason to be on my feet and moving! From repotting plants for my shelf garden to a full-blown reorganization of the chaos that is my living and dining rooms, I had lots of things to do.

So I got to do what I love to do but haven't done in ages. Make lists.

Lists of active and inactive things I can do to make life better for my family. I need both because I still can't stand for more than thirty to forty minutes, so like my IF journey, I need to have up-time and down-time during the day to keep going all day long. 

Lists for new recipes I want to try. Lists of chores I can do so my husband can come home to a cleaner, more sane household. And lists of things I can do outside of the house, so I get some sunshine, exercise (like walking around warehouse stores while shopping- no motorized carts!), and don't feel housebound.

No TV and no eating until at least 3 pm. That's what I did when I had my job. Now my job is in the house most of the time, and the temptation to eat will be stronger. I can resist by staying upstairs and writing, sewing, decluttering, or cleaning. There's always plenty to do in a house this big- and full of people.

In two weeks, there will be more people living here. We're getting my daughter from college in New Hampshire. I definitely won't have time to be bored!

I never realized just how much I missed being a homemaker. Even though I worked a few hours a day, it was right in the middle of the day, so it was more challenging for me to get in the zone. Now I can zone all I want without restrictions! God had blessed me with the time, and I intend on using it to its fullest.

Eating this week was so much better than the past month. Opening my window wider during the weekends definitely helped. This morning I woke up refreshed (though the Benadryl helped), and when I stood up, I had that 'skinny' feeling again. I had two meals on Saturday and three smaller ones on Sunday, so I expected to feel bloated. Nope. Apparently, I had enough! 

Today is my down day (one meal), and I already have a full schedule. I feel terrific- not just physically, but I feel like I could take on the world and win. 

This is where the tires meet the pavement, folks. Can I resist temptations and not revert back to my couch potato days? Will I resist becoming a TV and junk food junkie? Will I become a more active, happier person?

Stay tuned for the next episode of IFing For Life! 

Week Thirty-Two: Don't Let The Numbers Fool You Weigh-in

Image by FotoZeit from Pixabay 

Surprise, surprise! I have pictures!

It's been an interesting week, and I really thought I sabotaged myself. Maybe I did, but not as badly as I thought. Sometimes I get what I like to call that 'Skinny Feeling'; it's a happy, sexy feeling I get when I have energy, and my fanny pack hangs at just the right spot, so it seems as if I have a flat belly, tiny waist, and hips that sway better than any hula dancer.

That didn't happen as much this week. I felt big and bloated. Not quite like a beached whale- more like a waddling walrus. The hippo hungries weren't nearly as needful as they were last week, though I found myself grazing more than I liked.

My indoor garden was ready to harvest this week, and I'd made myself some wonderful Zuppa Toscana soup, using all of the kale and spinach I grew. It was so good! I enjoyed it this entire week.

I wish I could say I grazed on the ton of romaine lettuce I grew. Chips, nuts, and some Swedish fish were what I grazed on instead, except for one day where I remembered I had all that lettuce. I still have some left, but I also have the other stuff left too. That's also a good thing because that means I didn't eat it all within a few days. It's been at least a week and a half, and all that stuff is still here!

When I get off track, I always go back to the book Fast, Feast, Repeat. I have a bookmark where Gin Stevens talks about the up and down days and how to adjust them. Why? Because that's where I tend to mess up.

I don't get the diet mentality as much as before, but it still hits me occasionally. I close the eating windows too tight, restrict too much on up days, and WHAM, my body gets sluggish and plateaus. 

And that's exactly what I did. I'm currently doing a 4:3 up and down days, with my hours being 19:5 on weekends, 20:4 to 23:1 during the week- one meal on my down days, two on my up days. I should be doing 18:6 on my up days with two meals and maybe a small snack. And all I drink during my fast is water.

My measurements didn't change much this month, but the scale did! I lost six more pounds!

Here are the numbers:

Original numbers:        4 weeks ago:            Now:              Difference:

Weight 363 lbs.                332                      326                      6

Biceps- 23"                   19-3/4"                    20"                  +1/4"

Chest- 61-1/2"              59-1/2"                    59"                   -1/2"

Waist- 58"                     54-1/2"                 56-1/4"              +1-3/4"

Hips- 69-1/2"                   62"                    62-1/2"               +1/2"

Thigh- 32"                       29"                     28-3/4"                -1/4"

Neck- 18"                     17-1/2"                 17-3/4"                +1/4"

And the pictures!

When I started:

Now:

I decided to hold my arms out from now on so you can see the changes in my bat wings. The shirt feels loose and comfortable now, and the shorts are very loose, though not falling off my hips. 

I lost a bit more roundness in the booty than I'd wanted, but exercising my glutes can adjust the curves. But look how much the sleeves hang down now! My arms look much slimmer.

Now I have a story to share. I weigh 326. I lost 37 pounds. Nearly a decade ago, I maxed out at 325. It was the heaviest I'd ever weighed at the time, and that weight healed steady for several years. I never thought the scale would tip so far forward that my first main goal would actually be my 'heaviest ever' weight. 

One pound shy of that first goal- isn't that crazy?

I have several mini-goals. 325, 300, 278, 265, 225, 200, 180, and 160. All of these during my lifespan, each was my 'heaviest' weight at the time. 

300 was my weight when both kids were born.

278 was the baby weight lost after the first child. I never lost it after the second.

265 was my marriage weight.

225 was my heaviest ever in my twenties.

200 was when I considered myself fat.

180 was when I lost twenty pounds and was feeling skinny.

160 is my ideal goal weight, though I'm cool if my body wants to go lighter.

Yes, that's a lot of numbers. Each represents a hurdle I need to jump and a mindset that needs to be conquered. I can honestly say no diet has ever given me the hope that this IF book has. 

I still have to wrap my brain around the fact that I need to eat more to lose weight! I hope my journey inspires you as well. I'm not holding anything back, good or bad, or trying to polish a turd so the crappy parts look shiny. It's a life-long trek into a thinner, happier, more active life.

I've come a long way already. No more contemplating wheelchairs for me! I'm planning on walking on the beaches in Cape Cod next year!

Week Thirty-One: Hungry, Hungry, Uh-Ohs

 Just when you think you're doing well...

Image by 代 笠 from Pixabay 

WHAM- the hungries get you.

I have no idea where they came from. I was doing what I do, and all of a sudden, I'm hit with the hunger pangs of a rabid beast; I could eat a tree as long as I had something to chew on.

It's a desperate, gnawing, needful hunger that takes over your entire being, and if you don't get something to eat fast, there are going to be casualties.

There was only one time I was ever this hungry- I was pregnant with my son, twenty-three years ago.

And unless God did a reverse hysterectomy, I know it's not that particular issue again. But it was the same exact craving- it had to be meat, and lots of it.

I'm telling you, folks, it took everything I had not to go on an all-out binge. There was no need to binge- I was eating what I wanted! But I wanted it all, and then some. 

I still have no idea where this hunger came from, other than we ran out of chicken, and I've been eating a lot more pork and beef for the past two weeks. But the freezer is full, and all I could get was a rotisserie chicken for my chickeny needs. 

This was a hard week. The food addict I was came back with a vengeance; I'm not downplaying any other addictions- you can do without alcohol, drugs, and other temptations, but you can't live without food. You have to control it, or it controls you.

Frankly, I've had enough of giving my addiction the wheel. This is my bus, and I want to be a sub-compact, thank you very much!

Even as I write this, I can still feel a tenuous remnant of those hunger pangs from last week. The only reason they faded was that I eat more on the weekends. In fact, Sunday, I had a big breakfast and a small lunch, yet when we went out to dinner last night and were served enormous portions, I came home with 7/8 of it, which surprised me and everyone else.

It could be because I broke a plateau, and my body was quite happy as a hippo and didn't want to go down to the next level of weight loss. At least I broke it the week before last- I hope I didn't jeopardize my progress this past week by caving to the hunger once too often. 

The good news is I have plenty of chicken now, because I still have most of the rotisserie, and six of the 7/8 doggie bag is chicken parmesan. I have enough leftovers to last me more than half the week!

More good news is that my greens are growing well.

I have a lot of romaine lettuce to cut down for one huge salad and leftovers for sandwiches, and I might have enough kale to make at least two or three bowls of homemade Zuppa tuscana- that sausage, potato, and kale soup they serve at a certain Italian restaurant franchise. Three bowls would be enough for my down days during the week. I might have just enough spinach grown to add to both salad and soup. 

It always surprises me just how fast four weeks go by. Next week is weigh-in time, and I hope to have pictures, along with some more losses in either weight or body mass. The results are going to be a surprise for all of us!

Week Thirty: Pace the Race

For the record, I don't run. The pace I'm setting is a dietary one. 

Image by metaliza01 from Pixabay 

I haven't lost weight in two months. I know I'm burning more than I'm consuming. Inches have been lost, but my weight remains the same or even went up by just a couple of pounds.

However, I lost more than a few inches. Oddly enough, I'm thinner at three hundred and thirty-two pounds than I was when I weighed three hundred! How crazy is that?

I know the weight will come down. I've hit a plateau, and I just need to be patient. My biggest problem is trying to fix things too soon before allowing the previous changes to take effect. I did this initially after my first twenty-eight-day clean fast, and I think I threw my metabolism into a tailspin.

The first month was a seventeen-pound loss. The second month was a four-pound loss. Had I not tried to go to an OMAD (One Meal A Day) format, maybe the weight loss wouldn't have tanked that second month. Who knows? 

I was eating five to six meals a day before I started. Within six weeks, I was eating half that. That's a big shock to the body!

I started this dietary race running full tilt. I realize now that I have to pace myself; otherwise, I'll crash and burn...out. I need to remind myself this isn't a fad diet; this is a lifestyle change that I'll be doing the rest of my life. 

Weight loss is a side effect. Yes, it's the main reason I started doing Intermittent Fasting, but not the only reason. I wanted that extra energy. I wanted my body to slim down without needing plastic surgery. The organic envelope that is my skin will slim down as I do. There will be sagging and extra stuff as I lose, but not nearly as much as there would be if I dropped weight like a contestant on The Biggest Loser.

I'm not lecturing you. I'm lecturing me.

I won't lie. I'd almost given up after month two of no weight loss. The only things that kept me going were the inches lost and the energy and vitality I feel when I fast. 

Then I had to go to my husbands' workplace last week. You know, the place that has the freight scale where I weigh myself. I honestly felt that I was cheating to step on the scale this early in the month, so I almost didn't do it. But my inner self said to get on, so I did.

No, I won't tell you the numbers, but there was a loss. A good loss. Just one and a half weeks after my last weigh-in. I'm so glad I did it because it refreshed my hope.

The rest of the week was somewhat counterproductive. I was hungry a lot, and I ate more than I usually allow. Maybe it was relief eating (instead of stress eating), and maybe I was subconsciously sabotaging myself- I really have no idea. But I was exceptionally hungry for protein, and I ate a lot of it this weekend.

I also found out at a friends' cookout that chicken marinated in Italian dressing overnight and grilled until just tender tastes fantastic- and I can't eat enough of it. Politeness was the only reason I didn't eat all that was left. I don't know what it is about cooking outdoors on a grill, but the burgers and chicken were awesome. 

Maybe it's just us being outdoors for the first time in forever; I know I eat a lot more when we go camping too, so maybe there's something in the fresh air that makes people hungrier. All I know is that it tasted great, and I ate a lot of it.

Today is my down day. I'm not sure if I'll continue doing them as drastically as I was a month ago. It seems I lose faster when I eat more, especially lean proteins, so no more days of just salads. I still like having a brothy soup, though, but having it with some extra protein or a side salad instead is much more satisfying for me. 

Making this slight adjustment has also increased my energy. 

This week I plan to stick with a little higher intake on my down days (not the 500 calorie drastic drop), parking even further back in the parking lots for work, and keeping off the couch by doing extra chores in the house. 

Lucky for me, we're getting a new-to-us refrigerator in tomorrow, so I'll be moving a lot of furniture and doing a lot of bending as we clear out the old fridge and restock the new one. Leftovers have already been sorted into 'grab and go' one serving meals to be frozen, and we're still making homemade bread and pasta.

Now all I need to do is find the charcoal and see how much chicken and Italian dressing we have. This is going to be a delicious week!

Week Twenty-Nine: Doing Dumb Things

What a week!

I was driving for work and did something stupid that scraped my vans' undercarriage, then tried to correct it and wound up spraining two of my fingers. That was enough to fill my Stupidometer for the week, but noooo, I had to go above and beyond, just to prove how addled I truly am.

Image by A3DigitalStudio from Pixabay 

I went to a cookout this weekend. Why is that so bad, you ask? Because the cook who was cooking couldn't cook, and I wound up eating charcoal briquettes. Twice. All because I wanted to be polite.

After the first burger briquette, our host joked that he wasn't a cook and just slapped the meat on the grill and left it there for the guests to attend. You want a burger? Grill it yourself. I took up the challenge and asked him to put more meat on the grill. 

The food was almost done, but the coals had died down, and I asked if he had any more charcoal. Big mistake. He took the remaining charcoal and emptied it into the grill, and before I could say anything, he lit it. 

I thought these were the typical hard-to-light briquettes. Nope. He had quick starters. The flames were magnificent. But my burgers were now ash. I ate them anyway because I was the one that asked for them. 

Note to self; Never eat charred meat. 

I didn't sleep well that night. I woke up tired, and when my husband was making an early breakfast, I broke my IF protocol and asked if he'd make some extra for me. I ate good, solid food, and he said I was looking much better. Honestly, I had no idea I looked bad, but I guess I did! I ate more than I intended yesterday, eating three meals total. I didn't overeat, but it was still more than I usually allow myself.

Today I feel much better, and I slept a bit better last night. Today is a down day, and I have my meal already planned, so I shouldn't go off the rails today. I think the next time I'm confronted with hard-to-eat food, I'll politely decline and risk the consequences. It affected me more than I thought it would!

I still need to remind myself to eat good food on the weekends, now that I'm doing three down days a week. 

The good news is the chip consumption has gone down to almost half, and I don't crave them as much as I used to. I had a snack of fresh strawberries and homemade whipped cream the other day that was so delicious, and we just bought more fresh fruit and veggies to incorporate into our menu this week. 

Fresh pasta made a fantastic lasagna, and we made more homemade bread for the family- and I haven't even wanted a bite of the bread! I've been growing kale, lettuce, and spinach in my sewing room, and it's almost ready to make my first home-grown salad and soup- I'm so excited!

Week Twenty-Eight: Mystery and Betrayal Weigh-in

This was an interesting month.

I'd made many positive changes yet still struggled with the types and amounts of food I've been eating. Soups really helped my down days (good), but I also had a small sandwich with the soup (bad). I decided that home-baked bread was the way to go- not only because it tastes so much better but because it was better for me. 

This week I retried a low-carb snack I hadn't had in eons- baked cheese. It was a blend of mozzarella, cheddar, and provolone, and I topped each one off with some leftover pepperoni. I cleaned out the fridge and found all of these in dribs and drabs, so I'd thought I'd get rid of them in one fell swoop.

They were yummy! I did this twice this past week. And then...

Between the bread and the cheese- and don't forget the cheese I'd had in the sandwiches too- I was feeling more than a bit...clogged.

Candy is starting to taste weird, and fruit is starting to taste fantastic! I've been replacing some of my snacks with fruit. I've also been prepping a lot of homemade foods like tomato base. Twenty-five pounds of tomatoes, eight green peppers, and four huge onions make about nine quarts of sauce, and it takes all day to cook down. This time I made a chunky version, which I plan to use in dishes in the upcoming weeks.

This weekend, we wanted to make dishes using homemade pasta. We used the pasta sheeter this time and a new pasta recipe. It was fantastic! We had spaghetti and meatballs with sausage and my homemade sauce, and we had chicken and spaghetti in a creamy garlic parmesan sauce the next day. We didn't do anything special for Easter this year due to the pandemic.

Image by joshuemd from Pixabay 

Everything was delicious. However, last night, I was feeling very bloated with indigestion. Not good when you have to weigh yourself the next day.

Unfortunately, the only significant exercise I'd gotten this week is walking farther in the parking lots for work. Most of what I did this week involved sitting.

The numbers were good! I'd lost several inches here and there, stayed the same on others, and only gained in my chest. But I was still feeling clogged and bloated and was hoping my body would clear out everything before the weigh-in.

Nope.

I was going to take pictures this week, but you'll understand in a moment why I didn't. At least not this month.

Here are the numbers:

Original numbers:        4 weeks ago:            Now:              Difference:

Weight 363 lbs.                330                     332                     +2

Biceps- 23"                   19-3/4"                 19-3/4"                none

Chest- 61-1/2"              58-3/4"                 59-1/2"                +3/4"

Waist- 58"                     57-1/4"                 54-1/2"              -2-3/4"

Hips- 69-1/2"                   62"                     62"                     same

Thigh- 32"                    31-1/4"                   29"                   -2-1/4"

Neck- 18"                     17-1/2"                17-1/2"                 same

This is my first gain since I started this journey. There were a lot of conflicting thoughts running around my head when the indicator settled slowly onto the scale- a lot of 'diet' thoughts:

'Maybe I should take off my shoes.' (Nope- I've been wearing them for each weigh-in.)

'I'm clogged and bloated.' (Perfectly legitimate reasons, but why?)

'I need to hold my breath/breathe helium/stand on one foot, etc.' (None of these work- don't ask me how I know that.)

'Bread and cheese, you betrayed me!' (Completely, absolutely true- but I knew this before I stepped on the scale.)

Sigh. Okay, so maybe not the cheese so much as the bread. And snacking on things I know better to snack on- especially candy and junk when I wasn't even craving that stuff. It was there, it needed to be eaten, so I ate it.

The two-pound gain and the no changes from last month are all on me, not anyone or anything else.

Just me.

Am I going to beat myself up over this? Maybe a little. But I'll use that to improve and keep myself from backsliding. The fact that I had one true setback in over six months of fasting is really a miracle. I'm still losing inches despite the bloat, and I'm more mobile each day- I just need to be more consistent and stay away from bread for a while. 

Oh, bread, you delicious betrayer! I must forsake you- at least for the most part.

I didn't make any soup for this week, but I have plenty of salad stuff and rotisserie chicken. I'll look at my recipes, find a nice brothy soup to make, and have a small salad instead of a sandwich with soup on my down days. I might make a soup with homemade pasta next week, but this week I think I better stick to veggies and maybe a little rice in the broth.

It's still a mystery to me as to why I lost so many inches yet gained weight. Some of it has to be muscle, but I fear a lot of it is just from a clogged and bloated intestinal tract. I guess I won't know until next week, because I'm not planning to touch any bread if I can help it!