Year One, Week Forty-Seven: Finding Balance

This past week was better than the last, but still quite stressful.

Trying to juggle three people struggling with three different stresses while all in the same house isn't easy. Throw in an eating plan, and things get more than a bit crazy.

It's not easy finding balance in chaos.

Image by Manfred Richter from Pixabay 

My daughter was told she was both accepted, then rejected by the same college, so we're still trying to sort that out.

My husband and I tried to sell my plants at a small, local farmers' market this weekend but only sold two plants because there was a fair going on down the road that garnered most of the paying patrons that usually peruse the market.

No job prospects for my husband last week, and I didn't find much available on the job sites this past week. It's hard to sleep well when stressed, and though I did okay for my eating windows, I ate too much or too long because my brain was in a fog.

But there is good news!

I got an email about a job offer over the weekend, and I did the interview yesterday. The interviewer likes me, and after a background check, they should get back to me in the next day or two about the position.

And they also suggested my husband apply because his skills would fit nicely into their company. However, he's debating with himself about it because he doesn't know how hectic this place is (triggering his brain stress disorder) versus staying home and focusing on baking and prepping the store for the bakery build.

Whether they take him or not, I think I got the job! I'll keep you posted.

Now, if/when I get this job, my IFing will have to change because I probably won't eat at work, simply because most of what I like to eat is freshly cooked. I know that sounds snobbish, but it's true- cold or microwaved scrambled eggs with veggies, meats, and cheese doesn't taste the same as fresh and hot from the stovetop. 

I could occasionally take a chicken cobb salad or meat salad (chicken, shrimp, or tuna). Still, I think on the whole, I might just make an early breakfast as my OMAD and maybe a small snack of something meaty like cold roasted chicken if I have protein pangs. 

Working is definitely going to keep me from bingeing!

The job is 9-5 with no weekends (Saturdays maybe twice a year), and I'll be sitting for most of it (sewing machine operator), so I'll walk on my breaks and take a lot of water with me. The drive is about 1 hour and 15 minutes, and that's a long day to not eat. I wouldn't get home until 6:15 at the earliest, so I think it's best to eat in the morning before work since I'm usually up early anyway.

I'll keep you posted on that as well.

This whole month was a blur. I still can't believe next week is my weigh-in. Honestly, I looked at the scale this morning, and it doesn't look good. But I'm still hopeful.

I'm praying this week will get better!

Year One, Week Forty-Six: Working Through the Maze

This was a bad week.

I used to be a negative person, but after a lot of work, mentally and physically, my mindset for the past few years has changed to a more positive one.

This week didn't break me, but I'm starting to feel more than a bit cracked.

And, of course, this affected my IF because I'm an emotional eater.

We had hoped that the bakery would be up and running by now. However, the rules keep changing, and we discover new regulations that we have yet to meet. When we think we're ready to apply for financing, there's another hurdle to jump. 

Since the new year, we've been looking for jobs to tide us over, hoping to save enough to get all the certifications, licensing, and equipment to start a cottage-industry bakery.

Looking for work has been a mixed bag of disappointment. 

My husband was diagnosed with brain stress disorder right before we moved here in October 2021. However, after several health issues working in manufacturing jobs up here, the docs have banned him from doing any manufacturing or warehouse work. Covid, walking pneumonia, and vertigo have plagued him at three different jobs so far, and most jobs up here are warehouse or manufacturer oriented.

I never realized I was 'old' until I started applying for work. I've done many odd jobs through the years, but being an at-home mom doesn't count much in the business world. Most jobs up here are for a younger and more fit body than mine, so there aren't a lot of opportunities. I've tried selling handcrafted items online, but people aren't buying in this economy, and I don't have the money or skills to market things online well enough to get noticed.

Then my daughter got the bad news that she won't get into the college she wanted and had to raise her GPA at a community college before reapplying. She was transferring from a college that treated her like crap because she didn't own a horse and wasn't prestigious enough to 'earn' therapeutic horse-training classes, despite working at an actual horse therapy ranch for almost six years. 

I hope now you understand why I ate like a pig this week.

No, I shouldn't have. It was hot and miserable, so walking was out of the question. I was frustrated, bored, felt trapped in the house, and ready to break down into tears at random moments. So I ate.

I know God is with me, and He loves me. I know some of you are sympathetic, but I also know some are looking down your noses at me for being so weak.

That's fine, but please keep your harsh words to yourself. 

I'm not interested in hearing how to fix it, how to get over it, or how I need to pray more. You don't need to judge me because I'm doing enough of that on my own.

However, I absolutely accept all hugs with open arms.

Two steps forward, five steps back. I'm just working my way through the maze.

Image by Arek Socha from Pixabay 

From the beginning, I promised to be honest with you, and lately, I've avoided telling you everything because it's been negative, and I want to encourage people, not deter them from getting healthy. But sometimes, the circumstances merit a little misery, so others stop thinking it's all rainbows and unicorn poop.

Sometimes life sucks.

I know I'll get through this eventually, and I've already made eating adjustments, so I don't blow my IFing out of the water like I did last week. It won't be easy, but who said it ever would be?

Starting a business is hard enough. Unfortunately, starting a food business is even more challenging. Throw in the economy, financial hardship, and red tape with a sprinkle of college disappointments, and it makes for a bitter-tasting stew.

I know we must be doing something right if the devil is putting on cleats before trying to stomp us in the dirt. We just have to find the right way, which takes more time and patience than I possess.

Please send hugs and prayers. That's all I need. Thank you for listening- I love you all so much!

Year One, Week Forty-Five: I Did It Again

The week went well, but the weekend! Why do weekends torment me so much?

Well, we had friends over, for one. But that's no excuse for eating like I did. And I realize now that this seems to be a pattern with me. Get near a goal or have a great few months, then BAM- binge attack!

Why, oh why do I keep doing this to myself?

I wasn't quite in a food coma this weekend, but it was close. I still feel bloated and tired.

Image by Isa KARAKUS from Pixabay 

I guess this is why food addicts like myself must always stay in check. Let me off the leash, and I eat all the garbage. Bad human! Bad!

Am I going to hate myself for this foul-up? Nope. But it's okay to get a little mad, as long as the anger brings about positive change.

The last time I binged was a while ago, and the binges seem less frequent. I'm also not eating myself into a stupor when I do binge. I probably wouldn't feel as bad as I do today if I hadn't eaten any bread- but I did, and so I do. I knew better, but I still did it. There was also a ton of our homemade pasta salad leftover from two events we attended, and my husband wanted everyone to eat the rest because there were a lot of leftovers. I added meat into the mix, but it was still a lot of pasta.

And the bread and pasta were delicious. 

I refuse to beat myself up over it. It's eaten, and the weekend is over. Now to move forward.

Since we live in the boonies, it's hard to go grocery shopping, and I'm out of lettuce. Since it's mid-summer, there's a good chance the farmers don't have much lettuce (it's a colder weather crop), but I'm putting a shout-out to find some. I need a few salads this week that don't involve pasta.

We did find some cool purple sweet peppers I can't wait to try, so maybe I'll make some kind of meat salad like ham or chicken to put inside the peppers for a chilled lunch. So yummy!

I stepped on the scale this morning and wasn't happy with the numbers, but I knew that would happen. So why did I do it? To motivate me to stay away from bread and pasta for as long as possible. Knowing that it bloats me and makes me gain weight is a good deterrent, though I'll be honest- if I'm craving it, I won't deny myself. But I'll wait until I'm truly craving it before I eat any.

As for exercise, I haven't done much because of the heat. Unfortunately, humidity isn't my friend, and I melt when the weather is what I call 'ogres-armpit' humid. We have one air conditioner downstairs, and it's in my sewing/writing space, so that's where I plant myself when the weather turns volcanic.

And we've been test-baking, so the kitchen radiates heat like a...well, like an oven. I can't wait until we get this store cleaned out and start baking there instead.

I promise I won't test the baking. I'll leave that up to my husband and daughter!