Year One, Week Thirty-One: Self-Sabotage; The Enemy Within

This week was a tough one. And the weekend was a hot mess. I overate, ate beyond my two-hour window, and sat too much.

And it showed on the scale.

Why, oh why do I do this to myself, right after a breakthrough? Self-sabotage is one of my more sinister traits and one I honestly thought I'd beaten.

But nooooo, it had to rear its ugly head and bop me right between my eyes- or more accurately, my lips.

Photo by Anastasia Shuraeva from Pexels

Hindsight is always 20/20, and when I look back on the week, it was loaded with stressors I should have recognized before I opened my eating windows. Plans were thwarted all over the place, and I sometimes have a hard time readjusting. If it's one or two things going awry, I do well enough, but this week was a hot mess of changing plans, projects, and minds.

And then, this weekend, I fell pretty hard while outside. The grass isn't as soft as you think. I haven't fallen in decades, and I was reminded that it's not as easy to shake off as kids make it look! I'm fine, by the way, just a bit dented and sore.

On two occasions this week, I stuffed myself stupid. Well, not as stupid as I used to, but I ate until I was uncomfortable, just because we were doing something special with the kids. 

I also rushed my eating because we were in a hurry, so some meals weren't even savored as I ate, and I wound up overeating because I wasn't sure if I could eat within the window while we were out, and wound up eating with them when they ate anyway. 

Hunger was also a big problem this week, and I tamed it with food.

Dumb, dumb, dumb. And I knew it, even as I chewed each bite.

I'm not mad at my family or the scale- I'm mad at myself for getting out of control. 

So what am I going to do about it? You might ask. Well, I'm certainly not going to do what I used to: eat and sulk and find something distracting to watch, so I can mindlessly fill the void with food.

Nopety, nope, nope! 

I made meals this weekend that would last for most of this week, and two of them are soups. I do well with soup, but I'm cutting way down on the bread and cheeses this week. I had a lot of cheese, and though that's not bad for me, it clogs the pipes, and I'm tired of finding new foods that act like Draino. 

I started using bigger bowls again, and I'm also nipping that in the bud. The hungries aren't going to rule over me if I can help it!

And definitely have a few salads this week. My salads tend to be protein-rich (chicken cobb or chef's salad usually, with baked meats instead of cold cuts), and if I decide to have a sandwich, I'll be adding some veggies to give it a nice crunch.

Unfortunately, the fall banged up my bad knee, and though I can walk okay on it, it's still giving me a little grief if I walk or stand too much. However, I still plan to walk a little outside in the fresh air. My arms are another matter; I have no idea what the heck I did to them when I fell, but there's a lot of muscle soreness going on that will cause problems with the moving and lifting of boxes I'd planned to do in the store this week.

The good news is I finished two writing projects, and I have plenty to do to keep me busy this week, even if I can't do all I wanted in the store. I'm making these beautifully fluffy hair bows to help raise funds for the bakery. I found several ways to speed up my hair bow production and even create tiny hair bows for barrettes and kiddie bowties with the leftover fabrics. 

If my mind and hands are busy, I don't eat!

I refuse to feel guilty for stumbling. Yes, I'm mad at myself, but I'm also looking at the problems and solving them as I move forward. I also realize part of this is psychosomatic because of my significant breakthrough and my tendencies to self-sabotage. 

This week I plan to readjust and observe my habits. Next week is weigh-in week, and I want to stay in the two hundreds!

Know thy enemy, know thyself. Sometimes they're the same person!

Year One, Week Thirty: Trouncing the Trifecta

Easter is the holiday of chocolate bunnies, Cadbury eggs, and my favorite, jellybeans. Those tiny, fruit-flavored ones. Total yum!

I did have a Cadbury egg or two and a few jellybeans (it's jellybean season, so it was a moral imperative), but I resisted my normal urges by eating all of them within a few days. Then my husband brought out the big guns- he made Easter Bread.

(Yes, this is the actual bread!)

Not the kind with the eggs inside (gross), but the flaky, chewy kind that's like a sweet Challa, topped with a vanilla drizzle. I thought it was great fresh out of the oven, but oh man, it was so much better the next day! Especially with butter. Everything is better with butter.

I also spent the past few days doing what I hadn't done regularly- walking. We had a warm spell, and my husband and I had a lovely few walks around the neighborhood. My joints were aching during the weather change (it's back to colder temps for the next week), but I managed to go quite a while without stopping for a break. 

Besides, I had Easter bread to walk off!

I stepped on the scale this morning, expecting the numbers to be elevated because that's what usually happens when I indulge in bread. Though I'd gained a little but not enough to tip the scales back into the three-hundreds! 

Take that, trifecta! I resisted over-indulging, walked often, and still managed to stay under 300 pounds- Hah!

I won't allow myself to get big-headed about it, though. I know if I keep skirting the rules my body set, it'll bite me in the butt next week. So I'll eat a bit less at least three times this week and forego bread at least four times.

Of course, when I have bread, you know it'll be the Easter bread. Heh.

Last week I started organizing some of the boxes in the store. We still have a ton of stuff from the move packed in there (and after six months of being here, we're not missing it much), so this week will be spent sorting and hauling more boxes into the Need and Don't Need piles. 

I'll be working off that Easter bread in no time!

Year One, Week Twenty-Nine: Breaking Barriers

 300-pound goal? SHATTERED!

I usually don't give away weight numbers, but in this case, it's warranted. I'm now a svelte 298 pounds, folks. I made it into the two hundreds!

However, I'm only one-third of the way to the finish line- I still have about 140 pounds to lose.

300 was my weight after having each of my kids. I went back to 265 when I had my first child, but stayed at 300 after my second child. I remained at this weight within a five-pound range for almost a decade. Even now, I still have a hard time imagining being lighter than 300.

My next goal is 280, and after that, 265. That last number is what I weighed when I got married almost twenty-five years ago (not including the weight loss after kiddo #1). 

Maybe when I reach that goal, I'll show you pics of me trying on my wedding dress! Twenty-five years is a long time, and though I won't be that weight within the next month (our anniversary is 5/10), I should be in the dress before the end of the year- how exciting is that?

I'm finding myself not wanting to eat as much as a month ago. I'm almost to the point of OMAD, but not quite there yet, and I'm okay with that. One meal and a snack, and on a rare occasion, a minimal meal instead of a snack when I want to 'feed the machine.' 

The food choices are also changing. I'm adding in more veggies and doing almost an Atkins eating plan without actually doing Atkins- or is it called paleo now? It doesn't matter, because I still eat what I like, just a lot less of it. I don't feel the need to feed my face like before during my two-hour window. I don't do two-hour windows as often anymore; I'm usually done eating within forty-five minutes, enjoying each of those minutes, savoring every bite.

By the time we open our bakery, the temptation of eating everything I make will be easily thwarted. Besides, I can put the irresistible foods (like our fabulous soft, buttery rolls) aside for when my window does open! Fresh bread as a sandwich or toasted and buttered with a hearty bowl of soup is the best!

I've lost 65 pounds just by controlling when I eat and being aware of what my body tells me. That's it. There are no special diets that force me to eat chicken livers, non-fat cheese, or gluten-free bread. No gym memberships or strenuous workouts. Instead, I eat what I like, what my body likes, in a time frame I'd never thought I'd be able to do. 

I do exercises my body wants to do, like walking and doing the unthinkable- housework! Intermittent fasting has also given me the energy to do the impossible by starting a bakery with my husband- a dream we've had for almost twenty years.

Breaking all kinds of barriers this week!

I hope this blog inspires you to keep going and not give up; you can do this!

Year One, Week Twenty-Eight: Tongue-In-Cheek Weigh-In

This month went by so fast that I almost forgot it was weigh-in week!

I behaved myself and stayed within my windows despite temptations. However, I got sick this week, so I didn't move much. Being sick also clogs my plumbing, so I had no idea what the scale would show me this weigh-in. I knew I'd lost weight; I just didn't know how much, and I stepped on the scale with excitement and trepidation.

Three hundred...point two.

Seriously?!?

I kinda feel like Lightning McQueen in Cars during the tiebreaker race. Maybe I should've stuck my tongue out to weigh less? Not that it mattered weight-wise, but I stuck my tongue out at the scale anyway. Humph.

Does a tongue weigh .03 pounds? That's all I needed to get into the two hundreds! 

Of course, the plumbing decided to work after weighing, measuring, and getting dressed. I considered disrobing and weighing again, but by that time, I'd drank water to take my thyroid medicine. I can't walk around undressed all day- it's too cold, and I didn't finish making the curtains for the house yet. No sense scaring the new neighbors because I'm waiting to pee. Double-humph.

Another reason I wasn't sure of the scale was my measurements. Let's take a look.

                  4 weeks ago:                    Now:                       Difference:       

Weight           303                          300                        -3 lbs.

Bicep              19"                        19-1/4"                    +1/4"

Chest             57"                        56-1/2"                     -1/2"

Waist          52-1/2"                     52-1/2"                      same

Thigh           28-1/2"                     28-1/2"                     same

Neck               17"                           17"                        same

Hips                60"                           61"                         +1"

Red used to be my favorite color- until now. That 'point two' aggravated me more than the three hundred did. But a loss is a loss, which means next month, I'll be in the two hundreds for the first time in over a decade- maybe even two decades!

My only concern now is that this weight goal is my biggest hurdle. Three hundred was my average weight for most of my adult life, and a body tends to remember where it was most comfortable weight-wise. But, as you can see from the results, my body is starting to fight back to avoid starvation and maintain this weight for as long as it can.

This means I need to step things up.

Better choices and more minor portions in my meals are a good start. I'm almost over being sick, so I'll get more active as I feel better. Maybe a few more greens and fiber-rich foods will help the plumbing issues. 

We recently went food shopping and filled our shelves with vegetables and fruity goodness, with plenty of lean meats for meals, so eating well will be easy.

This is going to be a fantastic week!