Sorry I've been away so long- times flies when you're having stress!
I had done well over the holidays actually- I never weighed in, but I felt like I lost, and that was good enough for me. I even went clothes shopping with my Christmas gift cards, and found some clothing that I liked, and looked good in! It was the same size I was wearing before, but I felt better in them. Sexier.
Then came January.
It started out well- my birthday had come, and i had some guests over for dinner. My husband made a feat for me and my friends. A five course meal that lasted two hours! We ate in small increments, and I enjoyed every bite. I didn't overeat, either!
But then all the fun and glitter was over with, and we had to put away all the decorations and get back to our busy lives. My husband especially- he was doing 60-70 hour weeks before the holidays, and now he had to go back to that tough schedule. And my son sprained both his wrist and foot within a week of each other, so I lost my main helper around the house. I was starting to fell overwhelmed.
It isn't easy being an emotional eater. With my husband not home, me missing him, and the kids asking me to make things that were easy to make (but not necessarily well-rounded concerning nutrition), I fell into a lazy attitude when it came to eating. Grilled cheese with ham, chicken fingers and fries, pizza- all of these homemade goodies are better than fast food (because I know what goes into it all), but still, a serious lack of veggies and fruit. I also started overeating again, and going to bed feeling uncomfortably stuffed. Then I noticed my new clothes were feeling a tad tighter, and then I realized I haven't been checking in with you guys either. Yikes!
So I forced myself to go to the scale today. My shenanigans cost me a gain of four pounds. Ugh. I'm more mad at me than anybody else, because I'm the one who put all that food in my mouth. I have sent myself to the kitchen to do some much needed deep cleaning. And I hate cleaning!
Now I'm now 316 pounds, and I hate it. I don't hate me, I hate the extra weight. And that's a good thing. It makes me want to get rid of it.
I had a feeling I wasn't going to like weighing myself, so over the weekend I went out and bought a lot of veggies and fruit. My daughter found the lettuce this morning, and both her and i finished off an entire head by ourselves! She is a wolverine when it comes to veggies, and she actually helps me eat better. Just watching her enjoy something like celery so much makes me want to have some. God blessed me a great deal when He gave me a veggieholic for a daughter!
I walked my daughter to school today (okay, I had no choice since my husband took the car, but I still did it), and I'm going to be getting back into my kitchen for some extra scrubbing and decluttering. Since I was lazy enough not to put away all the spices I used when cooking, I am also scheduling myself for some spice cabinet decluttering as well. Laziness is not becoming as a housewife and mom, and frankly, I'm tired at looking at all the clutter. For some odd reason, a neater kitchen makes me want to cook better, healthier meals!
I confess I was angry with myself for not keeping up with the blog, and not standing firm about overeating. But this fallback has just made me more determined to get my butt in gear for doing better in the future.
Perfection is not what I'm going for- learning is. And as I learn, I hope you will to- even if I'm teaching you not to be like me when I fail. And I will fail from time to time. It's human nature. And last time I checked, I was human. Failures happen; it's what you do afterward that counts. I am not giving up.
All I ask of you is this- if you tend to beat yourself up for failing, I want you to look in your mirror and tell yourself that you are fallible, that you will make mistakes, but you are strong and beautiful too- and that this setback is not something that will stop you from being a better you. Use that road block as a hurdle, and get over it!
God bless you for visiting, and reading about all my successes and yes, even my failures. I hope to do better in the upcoming days, and with your prayers and God's help, I'll be putting on my new clothes and they'll start to feel loose next time!
